Down in the Dumps

So I went to Yoga last night to see my favorite Yoga teacher, Linda. Of course, before she arrived the Yoga bitches were there waiting. They were all cute in thier Ugg boots ready to go! As soon as Linda walks up they bombard her with praise and other stupid crap that teacher's pets do. They never even looked my way. The class was good and actually I had forgot how hard it can be. I was sweating like a mad man! It felt good although I had a hard time keeping my mind from wandering. After the class ended, Linda told us all to turn to our neighbor and introduce ourselves. I was delighted! I love to meet people that enjoy the same things that I do. On my right was a large black man who never once looked anywhere near my direction. On the other side was a woman slightly older than me but she looked nice. Of course, she turns to her left and starts having this great conversation with her neighbor and they start swapping stories about how they got into Yoga and how long they've done it, etc. I sat there and felt the sting of tears weld up in my eyes. I was a social lepper. I could of been a fucking ghost in that room. I looked at myself in the mirror and after seeing how fat and gross I am, the tears spilled over. I quickly got my shoes back on and got the hell outta there. I'm not sure anyone knew I was crying... but what the hell did they care anyway? I'm a disease! I got to my car and just started sobbing. I've never felt so lonely in my life. Okay, I have but this was right on up there in the top ten. I texted my best friend on the way home (at a red light) and told her that I was so lonely and I miss her. She's in Chicago and misses me too, thank you very much. I wish so much that she lived here. Not that we'd see each other a lot and do Yoga together- but still. I went home and dined on a handful of Wheat Thins for dinner.

This morning I was so tired when I woke up, and very sore from all the weight lifting I'm doing. I've gone every day with Glenda (my co-worker/personal trainer) and I am sore from head to toe. I woke my daughter up and she did her usual morning crying... and more crying, and more crying. She's not a morning person just like her Momma. It's very annoying to listen to her cry for about 40 minutes until I get her to daycare. So I was annoyed and went to brew my coffee and saw that my stupid coffee cup lid wasn't staying on and I knew it would spill on me in the car. I looked in the cabinet and sure enough, my husband has been hoarding all of my coffee cups in his truck so there are NO clean ones to use. That was it for me... I freaked out! I was so angry that my husband is so damn inconsiderate! It's a small thing I know... but it's the small things that really matter to me. So it was a great morning fighting with my husband before work- and hearing him say "Well, you're ugly anyway". That was a nice touch and a boost for my non-existant self esteem. Welcome to my life guys!

I have just been down in the dumps all day long... and then I see that "Aunt Flo" has arrived and it all makes sense. No wonder I've been such a basketcase. Now I really want some Mexican Food. And you know what? I'm going to enduldge my damn self this evening. No fuss over making the kids dinner- we're going out! I'm not going to eat 5 enchiladas and two pounds of chips- but I'm going to enjoy myself all the same. I've gone to the gym 6 times since Monday so I think one meal like this won't hurt. Yes, I know it's thinking like that that got me here in the first place but right now I just don't give a damn. I worked hard at the gym earlier and didn't eat lunch so screw it.

Tomorrow is Friday so things will be better. A weekend is approaching us and Linda has another Yoga class at 10am on Saturday. I'm going to go, but I may punch a Yoga bitch while I'm there.