Day 2 of the 2010 Diet

I'm writing this for myself... for me to read- or not to read. For me to be brutally honest with myself as I struggle like so many others to lose weight. I can write here what I often think inside but never tell anyone else. I probably keep these things to myself because I'm so self-loathing and don't want to freak anyone out. My self esteem is non-existent. Almost all parts of my life are in chaos. It's hard to look at the big picture and try to fix everything at once. It all boils down to me and what it would take for me to love myself again. I happen to think that's the most important and that all other aspects of my life will fall into place when that happens. I have battled my weight for the last 10 years. Don't get me wrong, I've always thought I was fat but only now looking back can I see how stupid I was before. I was 104 soaking wet when I graduated high school back in 1996. I thought I was huge. What I wouldn't give to have that body back again and I could just shake my old self for thinking that way.