Day 3 and a very depressing morning

Sorry my first post was so abrupt.  I got interrupted at work, with work!  The nerve of some people!  Sheesh!  Anyway... Today is day 3 and not going too well so far.  Let me begin by saying that I've been to the gym three times this week.  I went at lunch on Monday, then to Yoga on Monday night.  I went again at lunch yesterday and ran a little over a mile and then rode the bike for 30 minutes.  I had planned to go again last night but when I realized that the kids needed food for dinner and for Tristen's school lunches I figured I wouldn't have time to make it to the gym.  I cooked a chicken breast in the ol' George Foreman grill and had some cranberry sauce and veggies to go with it.  I felt horrible for eating so much even though it was the first thing I'd eaten all day besides Tic Tacs.  Believe me when I tell you I have major guilt issues.  I will have to use them to my advantage though!  So I made myself feel like crap so I went in my bedroom and did some crunches and push ups.  I was only able to do 150 crunches and 40 push ups.  My damn stomach and boobs are too big to really "crunch" but I gave it a good try.  That got rid of *some* of the guilt.  Not all by any means and I've been beating it into my head since then that I am going to the gym twice today- no matter what.  It just so happens that it's Wednesday and my favorite Yoga teacher has a class tonight at 7.  I love Linda.  She's the best Yoga instructor ever.  The only problem I have about that class is the stuck-up teacher's pets that come to all of her classes.  I hate those Yoga bitches!  They have to be first in the room and have to be on the front row so they can show off for each other.  Perhaps I am just jealous becuase they are all tall, skinny and can put thier legs behind thier heads.  How more desireable can you get?  Deep down inside I guess I want to get in the same shape and be accepted into thier group.  But they still are stuck up bitches.

Anyway... I can go on and on about people that come to Yoga and take it WAY too seriously... the ones who think it's a fashion show as well as a competition.  Yoga is neither and I am able to ignore this for the most part when I settle into my own "zen" in class.  Why was this morning depressing?  Well, a scale was involved.  Yes, I meant to get on the scale Monday morning when I officially stared my 2010 diet but I forgot.  I tend to avoid that thing like the plague.  Anway... this morning I got up, brushed my teeth and got undressed for the shower and there it was.  It said " C'mon Shelly, you'll never be able to track your progress until you get your starting weight.  Dont' worry, if it's a high number that will only motivate you even more!".  So I did it.  I stepped on and looked straight ahead while it calculated my massiveness.  I was horrified to see the number 167.7 pop up as well as 36% body fat.  OMG!  I knew I'd put on a few at Christmas but this was horrid!  I was pretty much staying between 155-160 before but now I've pushed it too far.  My own husband weighs around 180 so to think that I'm only 10 pounds under him?  That is beyond unimaginable.  I have to do something and do it now.  I can imagine that if I had got on the scale on Monday before my 3 trips to the gym and all my non-eating that it probably would of said something like: 170.2.  I have NEVER in my life been this heavy, with the exception of when I was pregnant probably.  I refused to see my weight when I was pregnant.  No expecetant mom should do that.  What's the point?  You can't diet when you are pregnant.  Plus, I had 40 pounds of water retention with Haley.  Yes, I was that swollen so I don't even want to imagine what I was tipping the scale at.

So... in conclusion, I'm very depressed at my starting number.  It's horrible.  It's gross... I am only 5"3 and I'm probably adding an inch.  I must use this to my advantage like I said though.  You have to start somewhere and I'm not going to lose the weight in 2 days.  I'm thinking of doing the soup diet next week.  It's horrible but a good detox.  I decided to eat breakfast this morning too since Jillian Michaels says its the most importatn meal of the day.  Plus, I don't need my body going into that dreaded "starvation mode" and holding onto any fat.  Let it go!  It doesn't belong there anymore!  It's making you miserable!  Get it off!

I'm going to end this message with an inspirational (or absurd) quote from the infamous skinny bitch, Kate Moss.  It goes a little something like this: " Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."  Damn that girl is right.